Coffee Chaos and Bathroom Battles
by Meg-chan1
Summary: A hilarious fic about the G-boys sharing an Apartment and the insanity of one morning.
1.

  
Coffee Chaos and Bathroom Battles Chapter One: Waking Squabbles  
  
  
I own nothing. Do not hurt me. This was written entirely for my personal amusment.  
  
  
  
  
  
It was 6:00 in the morning. An alarm shattered through the silence in the apartment   
  
shared by the Five piolets of Mobile suit Gundam Wing, the G-boys! The alarm clock continued it's  
  
nasel toned beeping for a minute, than they started to stir, groaning the entire time.  
  
Heero inhaled, slung his legs over the edge of the bed, and mechanically trudged around   
  
the room. With his eyes closed of course....(sweatdrop).  
  
"Ow...." Heero rubbed his head and glared at the offending wall. "Omae o...korosu!" The   
  
wall didn't seem to react, so Heero continued to glare at it for several more minutes. He started  
  
a staring contest with the wall.  
  
Duo rolled out of the top bunk, hitting the floor with a loud thunk that could not drown  
  
out the muted cursing. He crawled along the floor to the table with the coffee maker on it and  
  
nuzzeled it. "Ah..Mr Coffee..." He yanked out a coffee filter and put in two scoops. He peered   
  
into the can, then poured the entire thing into the machine and sat, waiting for the coffee to   
  
perk. "Dammit! Why do we have to wake up early? I hate these @#*%ing mornings." Duo continued to  
  
mutter while watching the coffe machine, which was painfully tring to filter all of the ground  
  
coffee beans jammed in the top.  
  
Trowa laid contentedly in the bottom of the bunk beds he shared with Quatre. He closed   
  
his eyes and began to ponder the meaning of the universe. Obviosly to create him. Now, what about  
  
the purpose of him and his place in the universe? Trowa burrowed deeper into the warm covers and  
  
kept on thinking about himself.  
  
Quatre had finally gotten up. He bounced into the bathroom, skipping and laughing all the  
  
way. Duo glared at him, how could he be so...perky at this time in the morning? Perky...that   
  
reminded him as he resumed his watch over the coffee. Quatre grabbed a towel and slammed the   
  
bathroom door.  
  
Wufei woke immediatly at the sound and lept out of bed. He started to pound on the   
  
bathroom door. "Open up , Quatre Rabera Winner!!! I want to shower first!! I am the most   
  
powerful and therefore I should go first!! I DEMAND JUSTICE!!"  
  
"Why do you want to shower first, Wufei?" Heero looked over at him curiously.  
  
"Well...I...umm...hate cold water." Wufei turned a crimson red as Heero laughed, "You are  
  
offending my honor! INJUSTICE!" Wufei started to try and strangle Heero while Heero reached for  
  
his gun. Trowa looked at them, sighed, and rolled his eyes. Duo didn't react at all, he was   
  
still muttering by the coffee machine.  
  
They all paused at a faint sound coming from the bathroom. The water was running in the   
  
shower and...Quatre was singing. Everyone but Duo scurried over to press their ears up against   
  
the door. The sound was horribly mangled, he was out of tune, BADLY out   
  
of tune.  
  
Trowa groaned, "Quatre singing...there are some things in this world that are wrong...and  
  
that is one of them."  
  
"Quatre singing is wrong. That we be forced to listen to it is injustice." Wufei folded   
  
his arms and leaned against the door panel.  
  
Duo looked up from his coffee and snorted, "Injustice this, Dishonor that, thats almost   
  
as annoying and wrong as Quatre singing."  
  
Wufei glared at Duo, "You know, Maxwell...I wouldn't be going to sleep these next few   
  
nights, or your braid might find itself DETATCHED FORM YOUR HEAD!"  
  
Duo jerked his head up and snarled, "If you try that, I'll decorate your favorite white   
  
shirt with flowers and hearts."  
  
Wufei was startled for a minute, but then began to froth at the mouth and hyperventilate  
  
while babbling insanely.  
  
Duo laughed, begining to enjoy himself, "Ooh..Wuffy has rabies! Coller him up and color   
  
him pink!"  
  
Wufei began to scream, 'INJUSTICE!!! QUATRE SINGING MAY BE WRONG, BUT YOUR EXISTANCE ON  
  
THIS PLANET IS EVEN WORSE!!"  
  
"Then.. how about this!" Heero ran to the CD player and stuck in a CD. He struck a Disco   
  
Pose in the middle of the room as the song began to play. "That makes you LARGER THAN LIFE!!" He  
  
began to dance and sing...horribly. Wufei stood stiff in terror for a minute before leaping   
  
across the room to leap on Heero.  
  
"EVIL! I MUST DEFEAT YOU! JUSTICE!" Wufei screamed as Heero began to fight back. There   
  
was a huge dust cloud and sounds of mixxed violence. Wufei grabbed the radio and smashed it on  
  
Heero's head. Heero yanked on Wufei's hair. "AHHH! INJUSTICE! LEGGO!" "OUCH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Duo  
  
turned back to his coffee, now that the fun was over. Trowa watched this all with a melencholy   
  
expression on his face. He finally turned to Duo and sighed, "Oh well."  
  
Quatre bounced out of the bathroom with a silly grin on his face. "Ah..that's better.   
  
Ooh, Duo, you have Coffee?" Quatre quickly joined Duo in staring at the coffee machine. Trowa   
  
looked at the bathroom door, then at Heero and Wufei fighting in the middle of the room. He   
  
snatched a towel and slipped inside before they saw him. Then, Trowa slammed the door.  
  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Scary. Review and tell me how ya like it and read the next chapters....it gets even more chaotic  
later....  



	2. 

  
Coffee Chaos and Bathroom Battles chapter two: Laptops and Hairgel  
  
  
  
I own nothing. Do not hurt me. Made entirly for my amusment.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Wufei and Heero froze immediatly and ran to the bathroom. They started to pound on the   
  
door, yelling the entire time. "INJUSTICE!" "I'LL KILL YOU, TROWA BARTON!". Sigh.  
  
Duo and Quatre looked at both of them. Quatre rolled his eyes and turned back to the   
  
coffee, but Duo seemed inhumanly pissed off because of all the constant distractions from his   
  
beloved coffee. "Will...you...both...please...SHUT UP!" Duo screamed , his eyes flashing blood   
  
red and his face twisting into a mask of inhuman anger and wrath.  
  
Heero and Wufei immediatly ceased pounding on the door and stared with wide eyes at Duo,   
  
who was never very agreeable in the morning, but had just scared them in some way that chilled  
  
their very souls. Heero recovered first and grumbled for a minute before wandering into the   
  
corner to play with his laptop and access all sorts of really cool top secret secret stuff. Wufei  
  
was about to retort, but took one look at Duo's face and decided he didn't want to arouse the   
  
wrath of the great Shinigami (BWA HA HA!) Wufei slumped against the frame of the door and sulked  
  
while thinking of the injustice of the world.  
  
Meanwhile, Heero was having trouble with the laptop, making him quite frustrated. He   
  
glared at the screen and typed furiously to try to make the computer work. He finally slammed  
  
his fists down on the keyboard and yelled, "STUPID CHILD SAFTEY BLOCKS!" He turned to the cabnit  
  
and rummaged in his pack, forgetting his gun was on the floor from the fight. He knelt down and   
  
picked it up, loving the feel of the trigger in his fingers. He calmly raised the gun and aimed  
  
at the little innocent laptop, with the message "this site is not appropriate for children"   
  
flashing across the screen. Heero narrowed his eyes and spoke in a dead voice, "Omae o korosu",  
  
before pulling the trigger.   
  
The little laptop shattered into a thousand pieces as the bullet hit it. Everyone but   
  
Trowa, who was in the bathroom doing Shinigami-knows-what, and Duo, who was indifferent to   
  
anything but his coffee, yelled and jumped back.   
  
Quatre stared at Heero before yelling, "What did that poor little Laptop ever do to   
you?!?!"   
  
Heero looked at the fuming Quatre, "It had a stupid child saftey block that annoyed me."   
  
Wufei rolled his eyes back and sighed, "Don't you know anything? Child saftey blocks are  
  
an OPTION you access and can TURN OFF."  
  
Heero shrugged, "Oops."  
  
They all sighed and continued to wait, Duo and Quatre for the coffee, and Heero and Wufei  
  
for the bathroom. The silence in the apartment continued on...for 20 more minutes. The seconds  
  
continued to tick by as Heero and Wufei grew impatient.  
  
"Duo, how many scoops did you put in the coffee machine?" Quatre asked in a puzzeled   
  
tone, "The coffee should have been done by now."  
  
Duo looked at him blankly, "Scoops?"  
  
Quatre sighed, "Of course."  
  
Wufei and Heero were growing more agitated by the second. "How long does it take?!" Heero  
  
growled. Wufei shrugged, but paused as a thought hit him, "I bet he's putting in Hairgel." Heero  
  
looked at him, then the idea came into focus. "Of course! That hair couldn't be natural! Lets   
  
sneak in and see what kind of Gel he uses!" Even Quatre was interested by the idea. All of them   
  
exept Duo crpet up and threw open the bathroom door. What they saw there truly shocked them.  
  
Quatre stared, "Oh dear..."  
  
Wufei and Heero just stared. Trowa was standing next to the counter with a bag of cement  
  
opened next to him. The silent nameless one was working the mix into his hair. He paused when he  
  
saw them. Trowa gasped and sighed unhappily. "Oh no."  
  
(LATER)  
  
Quatre, Heero, and Wufei managed to look pleased with themsleves as they marched out of  
  
the bathroom....with Trowa hair. (Scary, ne?) Trowa remained inside to clean up the mess and   
  
cement coated on the counter before it hardened. He had already taken a chisel to it and sounds   
  
of muted cursing leaked through the door.   
  
A beeping noise sounded throughout the apartment. Duo lept up out of his semi-caffine   
  
deprived morning stupor and began to dance. "The coffee's done, the coffee's done!" He and Quatre  
  
lept for their mugs and began to fight over the coffee pot. The other G-boys could only watch in  
  
horror as Duo managed to fill up his ten foot mug and he and Quatre began to reach for the high   
  
quantity condensed sugar packets....  
  
  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Hee hee! look at the next chapter, it's the conclusion to the nightmare, marked by caffine and  
  
an apperance by Chibi Duo Shinigami, aka DUO BAT!!  



	3. Caffeine

  
Coffee Chaos and Bathroom Battles Chapter Three: Caffeine  
  
  
I own nothing, except my bishounen fantasies and the idea for this fic. Made entirely for my own   
  
amusement. Do not hurt me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh God...please no!" Heero stared in horror as the sugar was dumped into the coffee   
  
mugs. The white crystals peered over the top of the cups, Duo's ten-foot mug and Quatre's normal  
  
sized mug with pretty flowers on it. The brown coffee made a gurgling sound and suddenly the   
  
sugar was sucked down a whirlpool and dissolved.  
  
Wufei was transfixed in fear, "That's strong coffee..." Heero nodded in agreement,   
  
neither of them daring to remove their eyes form the horrifying scene. Trowa slumped out of the   
  
bathroom, panting heavily under the cement laden chisel, about 1-foot thick cement laden to be  
  
exact. "I think I got most of the cement off, but the counter's still a little rocky and...."   
  
Trowa trailed off as he saw Duo and Quatre. Duo scrambled up on top of the rim of his mug while  
  
Quatre raised his to his lips in a semi-salute. The other G-boys tensed and shuddered as they  
  
took a sip, or dunked their heads (cough, Duo, cough).  
  
The result was immediate, well, for Duo. Quatre sat there calmly, sipping his coffee and  
  
smiling. Duo's reaction was more dramatic. There was sorta a popping noise, then Duo rose out of   
  
the coffee mug into the air and, well...contracted. He started to shrink and, um...sprout wings.  
  
Bat wings. You know where I'm going.  
  
Duo had become Chibi Duo Shinigami, aka Duo bat. (and the world trembled in fear!) He had  
  
Kawaii wings and kawaii hair in a braid and...oops! I'm rambling. Well, anyway, he was at that   
  
moment immersing himself in his coffee.   
  
"I always knew Duo was a bit strange, but I never knew he reacted like this to coffee..."  
  
Heero stared at the tiny bat wings poking out of the mug and tiny droplets of coffee splashing  
  
around the room. Trowa sighed and stared at the carpet, "Carpet cleaning bills on top of money  
  
for a new counter AND coffee machine." He glanced at the tiny, sputtering little Mr. Coffee as  
  
it continued to die in the corner.  
  
Suddenly, there was high pitched maniacal laughter coming from the coffee mug. Duo bat  
  
leaned over the edge and looked at everyone. His eyes were bugged out and he was shaking,   
  
spattering more coffee everywhere.   
  
"Oh no..." Wufei whispered, "This can't be happening."  
  
Quatre glanced at Duo and started to yell. "Get down everyone! Duck!"  
  
Duo suddenly blurred and shot out of the mug into the air. He hit the ceiling, then the   
  
wall, then the table...he was pin balling around the room. The G-boys followed Quatre's lead and   
  
knocked down the table and erected it as a barrier. They dove behind it and hid.   
  
"What's the matter with Duo?" Heero whispered to Quatre. "Well, to put it in VERY mild   
  
terms, Duo is having what we would call a 'Sugar/Caffeine rush'". There was a crack and they   
  
peered over the edge. Duo had smashed into the chandelier and was heading straight for them. They  
  
all ducked down again, except Wufei. He craned his neck up to see what was happening.  
  
There was a smacking noise and muffled sounds of yelling. Duo bat had his fingers firmly   
  
entwined in Wufei's hair and was peering around with interest as Wufei danced around the room  
  
blindly, trying to get the winged demon off him. "AHH!! INJUSTICE, GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" He  
  
screamed.   
  
As the Trowa and Quatre ran to assist him, Heero quietly crept off into the bathroom since  
  
the coast was clear. The other two finally managed to pry Duo bat off with a crowbar and they sat  
  
panting on the damp carpet. Duo bat lay there for a moment, then took the opportunity to dunk   
  
himself back in his coffee mug and continue wrecking the living room.  
  
There was a sudden blast of music from the bathroom. They all stared as they realized   
  
what had happened. Then the music became clear. "Brittney Spears..." Quatre groaned, curling into  
  
a little ball and covering his ears. Trowa and Wufei rushed over and started to yell and pound  
  
on the bathroom door, well, Wufei yelled. Trowa just pounded.  
  
The horrible music continued to grow louder and louder, till even Quatre was angry. You  
  
never want to see Quatre angry. They all yelled to be heard over the music. "WE'VE GOT TO TURN IT  
  
OFF!" Wufei screamed. They all sat and tried to think over the noise. Then Duo bat happened to  
  
smack into the table, look at them and smile a little dizzily, then fly unsteadily to the coffee.  
  
It was then that Trowa formulated a plan.  
  
"OKAY, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO!" Trowa took some time to explain, and then the  
  
plan began.   
  
Quatre stood in the middle of the room that Duo bat was wrecking. "Duo bat, I've got a  
  
nice little Doughnut for you!" He said in a cheerful sing-song voice. Duo bat glanced at it and  
  
grinned happily before flying to Quatre's outstretched hand. Quatre made sure Duo bat had several  
  
doughnuts to occupy him before marching toward the bathroom. Trowa and Wufei each had a firm grip  
  
on the door handle and were tensed in a ready stance. Duo bat had just run out of doughnuts when  
  
Quatre gave the signal. They yanked open the door and he threw Duo bat into the bathroom.  
  
There was a crashing sound and yelling inside as Duo bat pin balled off the walls. Then  
  
Duo bat hit the stereo and broke it. The music stopped and they all gave a sigh of relief. Heero  
  
staggered out of the bathroom. He swayed on his feet and muttered, "Mission completed..." before  
  
collapsing. Duo bat flew out and dunked himself in coffee.  
  
Wufei danced around happily as he rushed for the open bathroom door. He would finally   
  
have a nice warm shower after all of this mess. The door closed and there were sounds of water   
  
flowing. The others looked around and smiled. It was over.  
  
Then there was a yell from the bathroom. "AHH!!!! THE WATER IS COLD! INJUSTICE!" They  
  
glanced at each other as they ran for the door, well, all but Duo bat.  
  
Wufei yanked open the bathroom door just as Heero ran out of the apartment. He hastily   
  
grabbed a towel and chased all of them down the halls. Sounds of screaming echoed all around the  
  
building.  
  
And so Duo bat was left alone. He sighed contentedly as he swam in his coffee, splashing  
  
all the while. He dove into the coffee and took a long drink. Then the sugar/caffeine rush took  
  
over once more...  
  
  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Hoped you liked it! please review. Thanks!  
  



End file.
